Tamrin Ingram

To Dream

Dream following is tricky business.
When you start out you don’t really know what it takes to follow a dream, you can’t know. When I was a little kid I didn’t understand why people gave up on their dreams, why they would ever stop fighting for them. It’s about comfortability, something that most people want and strive to achieve. But dream following isn’t comfortable, it’s not easy and never a guarantee. A lot of us say we don’t want comfortability but sometimes it sneaks up on us. One day you’re fighting for this dream, desperate to make it, the next day you wake up accidentally comfortable, and you’re surprised by how good it feels. Because comfort does feel good, safety feels good. A sense of knowing what happens next feels good. And all of these good feelings can easily takeover and suddenly you’re not as desperate to leave the crappy job you hate or the boring place you live because there’s something oh so satisfying about being comfortable.
A week from today I’ll be in my new jeep with my dad and my cats heading off into the western skies, following my dreams and heading to grad school and going exactly where I’ve always wanted to go to do exactly what I’ve always wanted to do.
But right now it doesn’t feel good. Right now it feels like I’m leaving everyone I love. And that doesn’t feel good.
I’m not hesitant, I’m not feeling any regret and I’m not scared. I know things will be fine I don’t need to be comforted or reassured. I don’t have any doubts. But I knew that leaving Columbus would break my heart and staying would be the same. I think that this is just the point where my naive little heart learns that it’s not the following of dreams that’s hard work, but what gets left behind while you’re out following them. Following is the easy part, working hard is the easy part. It’s what you lose in the chase that really eats at you.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s