I have spent the summer living.
I haven’t made much art, in fact I would feel more comfortable saying I’ve made none. I’ve done some shooting, but not very much that I feel is going to carry me into any new directions. But i’ve spent the summer being alive. I moved into a new place, on a different side of town with one of my best friends. Before that we both crammed ourselves and all of our belongings in my one bedroom apartment, a feat that was not enjoyable but will definitely have a solid chapter in both of our memoirs one day. I’ve slept in a tent almost as many weekends as I’ve slept under a roof, camping in Wyoming and Minnesota as well as all around Ohio. I’ve started more books than I’ve finished, started a new job, made new friends and eaten more ice cream in three months than I have in the last 3 years. I started the summer reconnecting to my deepest roots, cleaning out my childhood home and begun making plans to rennovate it. I’ve faced several fears but also somehow played it safe. I haven’t applied to as many gallery shows as I should have, but I’ve thought about it a lot if only that counted. I have blasted so much music from the broken down speakers of my car, screaming the lyrics without hesitation.
I think the point of all of this is that it’s summer, motivation waxes and wanes almost as often as the moon but that doesn’t mean anything overtly sinister. The last few weeks I’ve spent a lot of time beating myself up, being unsure if I’ve made the right choices and unsure if I’m on the right path, afraid of not being a successful artist, afraid of not going to grad school, afraid of not getting out of Columbus or Ohio. With everyone going through the annual back to school frenzy I’m just feeling a little hollow, feeling like I too should be heading back to the classroom ready to begin new classes and see familiar faces and work on the next project and bask in new waves of inspiration. I think that it’s important to stay inspired and always continue making, but I also think that it’s important to take time to live, laugh, breathe, and to just be a person consumed by everyday life. Change is hard, graduating is hard, but I’m getting through it and will come out on top.
Nothing is permanent, and we are in control of our lives.